So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize