He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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