I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Never underestimate the power of titties
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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