I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
