you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
