Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
