pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
