You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
