My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
