My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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