Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
