i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
