Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
