How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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