Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
