I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
