6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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