People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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