what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
