Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
