Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
