so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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