I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
