I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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