So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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