No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
