I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
