if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
