I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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