Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
