have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
