And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
