I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
