seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
