sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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