Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
