dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
