Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Congratulations! We have a period
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
