fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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