Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
