i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
