Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
