i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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