Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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