Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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