He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
