Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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