i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
