I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
high people should be assigned attendants
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
