the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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