we have officially lost it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
