I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
