hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
