I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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