No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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