I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize