why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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