y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
