I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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