You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
