Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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