I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dignity is for republicans.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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