A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
