Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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