somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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