does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
