Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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