Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
