So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
