Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize